dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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