You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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