You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
