ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
