pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
