dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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