Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
