hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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