Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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