Kareoke will never be a sober sport
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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