Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
