I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
