Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
false alarm. still invincible.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
