apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
