you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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