How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
