yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
