It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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