what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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