I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
