I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You smell like stripper and shame
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
