Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
