Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
