dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
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