If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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