she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
