Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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