A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
