shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
