I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
