When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
