Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
