White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
