you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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