He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize