first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Green mimosas i think yes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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