these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
