maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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