i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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