a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
