go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
