Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
