no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
