just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
