Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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