I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
