she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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