i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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