yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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