True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
