Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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