Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
