obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
