I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
