mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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