Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
