Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
4 words: hood of his car
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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