Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
