so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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