You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
