Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
