You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
