I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
