What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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