i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
