my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
