we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
