The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
