Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
