Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
