I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
