some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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