You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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