Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
