he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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