Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
